May 2013
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And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you...
– Haruki Murakami
How vain it is to sit down to write
when you have not stood up to live
– Henry David Thoreau
Well, let it pass, he thought; April is over, April is over. There are all kinds...
– F. Scott Fitzgerald, Magnetism
April 2013
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Life’s so perfectttt right now, I really just want it to stay this way for a while without anything fucking it up.
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It’s so hard to write anything anymore
I swear sometimes the moon looks close enough to touch but even when you are sitting next to me you are always out of reach.
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I haven’t been on tumblr in more than a month, wow. I don’t regret not spending hours of my day in front of the computer though.
February 2013
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Kinda thought that by now I’d be hating high school and wishing I could just graduate already. Complete opposite tho, it’s become my escape from everything and everyone that hurts me. Even if some are there in that same building.
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All I can think about is what could happen. There’s only two ways it can turn out, and I’m scared it won’t go the way I want it to. What if I mix up what I want to say, or they misunderstand? Or even not want to listen.
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Those old conversations, I still remember them. I wish I didn’t, I wish I could just forget. Us. You.
Sometimes, I wish I could read your mind. Then I...
I’m so tired of wishing things were better. I’ve got high expectations but I don’t make enough effort to get it. If I can’t have it, then I don’t want to be waiting for something that won’t happen. It’s got to come from me, thats why I’ve been trying so much harder lately.
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First time drawing in almost a year
There’s something good about being able to express yourself in some way. When the words don’t come to mind, and no one to be next to.
there are a lot of things I’m learning about heartbreak
like that it doesn’t matter
how many other lips I kiss
they can’t erase the memory
of yours
and like no matter how much
friends tell me that you were
never
good enough for me
it doesn’t make my stomach hurt
any less
it doesn’t make a hole appear in my head
where the memories of you live
and I know
that eventually
missing you
...
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I want to change my punctuation. I long for exclamation marks, but I’m drowning...
– warm bodies, isaac marion
This was the longest week of my life.
January 2013
[[MORE]]Me and my mom were driving past my grandmas street this morning, we saw police cars and stopped. When we went inside, they told us she died in her sleep. I saw her there… they were moving her body. I couldn’t look for more than a few seconds without crying.
It was just so unreal. I feel like I know that it happened but my emotions aren’t let it process. Her funerals...
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I’m staring at this keyboard
willing the words to come
thinking if I just start typing
if I just let my fingers move
maybe they’ll tell me something
maybe I won’t be so
goddamn
confused
I don’t even know what I feel
what to feel
all I know is
I can’t sleep
and that I feel like
I’m waiting for something
that will never happen
and
that I want to talk
need to talk
but I can’t find...
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I want one day where I go somewhere after school, anywhere. Go somewhere and not have to worry if my sisters are okay, if my parents know where I am, or what time I need to be back home. Not having to worry about anything. I just want no one to care if I disappeared for a while.
I don’t know if I can do this.
depression is really dumb because when you hear it you think of people crying and looking dramatically out the window but really the person you know that smiles the most probably is depressed and i think more people need to realize that
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Not even sure what to think anymore. Maybe apathy really is better than caring. Because when I care, I care too much. Pretending not to care on the outside, caring too much on the inside. It hurts.